Posted in Ramblings

Musings from a Tortured Soul

Some mornings, I get up, have a quick shifty at social media and decide it’s all too hard.

I’m out of sync with the rest of the world and on mornings like this, I don’t seem to understand any of it. I’m not competitive. I’m not driven by anything, except the black dog that takes over my head from time to time. I’m a simple person, who likes to write a story and immerse herself in the characters. That’s where I’m comfortable. That’s where I’m safe. I like being at home. I don’t like being out. People don’t understand me, and that’s okay. I am who I am.

What, you probably wonder, has set me off on this tangent?

Social media.  The seemingly thousands of people out there, who are racing down the ‘I’m a published author’ path and seem to constantly  push and promote themselves until they’re blue in the face.  Facebook.  Twitter.  Instagram. Dare I say it – WordPress.  Blogger, and the other 72 bajillion opportunities there are out there, to plug your name, your books… your brand.

Some mornings, I have a quick squizzy at my usual go-to spot on the web – Facebook.  Like most people, I’m linked to friends and family, and like to catch up with what they’re doing.  As a necessary evil (in many cases) I’m linked up to many other people who are authors, like myself.  (Another conundrum.  Am I an author?  Or am I just a woman who likes writing books?  I digress, that’s a subject for another post.)

Anywho… on mornings like this one, I find myself completely intimidated by the ‘publicity’ side of being an author.  ‘Read my book!’,  ‘Available now – free!’, ‘Sign up for my Newsletter’, ‘Like my FB/Twitter/Instagram/Google+ page’, ‘Cover Reveal!’, ‘Attend my Release Party!’, ‘Find out all about me – the author!’ – it’s repeated, ad nauseum, across page after page, after page.

And don’t get me wrong… I’m as guilty (on a ‘running hot and cold, sometimes I do it, sometimes I don’t’ basis) of leaping onto the publicity bandwagon, trying to get my six books ‘out there’ and noticed, as everyone else.

But here’s the honest truth.  I suck at it.  I’m not good at the ‘look at me’ stuff.  I’m not good at the ‘interact with people who’ve read my books’ stuff. (I’m not comfortable with the concept of calling them ‘fans’.  I don’t have that much faith in my own abilities.)

And on days like this, I look at Social Media, and I think ‘ugh’.

So for the people who have, very kindly read my books – I thank you.  While it’s a toss up between me being utterly terrified over your thoughts, or thrilled to bits to think that you’ve taken time out of your life to read the stuff that topples out of my head on a regular basis – I thank you.

Unfortunately, if you’re looking for some publicity savvy author, one with all those up-to-date Social Media pages, a PA to do everything for her in the background, someone who knows the right thing to say, the right thing to do, and is the queen of media blitzes… you’ve picked the wrong person to follow.

If you’re looking for what I think is a pretty good read, well-thought-out characters, and books which take a while to get out there because I like to go over them again and again until my head (and believe me, my head is a pretty tough critic) is happy with them – then I’m the author for you.  But don’t expect to be able to follow me in seventy five different social media settings to find new and entertaining information about my life, my books, my characters, my upcoming books, my release schedule.  It isn’t going to happen.

My mental health issues are well-documented.  I don’t hide who, and what I am. (A bipolar, depressed, middle-aged, anxiety-riddled nervous wreck who has lots of voices in her head wanting to tell their stories, but has to fight with her own demons to believe they’re good enough for anyone to care.)  If you want to know anything about my ‘worlds’ this is the place to come. (Mainly because I like creating chaos out of order, and enjoy playing with this website – I find it therapeutic)

But I must warn you, the other places where I lurk and hover on Social Media, are a bit hit and miss.

And that’s just the way I roll.




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