Posted in Ramblings

Things Are Improving

I’ve had a bit of downtime at the end of this week – the three books I’ve been editing were so amazingly good, and so beautifully written that there was very little hard editing work to be done. So I figure, after catching up on a number of things I had on the backburner, now might be a good time for an update.
So here’s the news.
I’m very happy in my own little world. I’m content as long as nothing out of the ordinary happens and well settled on my meds. Looks like no further adjustments will be necessary.

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Had an appointment with the evisceration expert last week, and funnily enough, those visits aren’t nearly as painful as they once were. We’re working through my issues and triggers, and gradually reintroducing me to the world in very tiny steps. Extremely tiny steps.
However, that’s the way its going to be, and that’s how I’m comfortable doing it. I still loathe the phone ringing. I still avoid using it. But I regularly have get-togethers with my writers group and find them increasingly more comfortable with each one I attend. We even had an evening of drinks and nibblies and I survived it – the first ‘social’ type event we’ve had at the house since this all began. Huge kudos to my beloved EWG Cultees, who continue to accept my eccentricities with grace and friendship.
I’ve learnt a number of new things about myself in the past ten months. Not least of which, is that I’m truly an introverted introvert and now that ‘Strong Deb’ has disappeared – I’m actually more and more comfortable with accepting the fact that I’m socially inept and uncomfortable, and that being socially inept and uncomfortable is okay. I don’t have to be the life and soul of the party. I don’t have to come up with witty dialogue and make people laugh and seem like I’ve got everything under control. Because I don’t have any of that, in reality. And who I am, and how my life is now, is okay.

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The biggest thing I’ve discovered, in this little adventure, is that there are so many people out there who are introverted. So many people who hid their introvertedness from the world, but more and more of those same people have not only admitted to me that they have this problem, but also that they are more willing to talk about it after putting up with my epic updates. And it’s been an eye opener for me, because I honestly, and truly thought, I was the only person who was this way.
Turns out I’m not and it’s kinda nice to discover I’m not a complete freak of nature.
Having said that, I’m still trying new things… including (drumroll please) trying a night out at the movies tomorrow night. I desperately, desperately wanted to see San Andreas on the big screen and I’ve agreed to go tomorrow night. Consequently, my anxiety levels are up, but I’m going with the darling husband and BIL & SIL, so they will provide me with heaps of support and no doubt, hold my hand through the experience.
Now all I have to do is get a seat up the back, in the corner, so nobody can get behind me (one of my anxiety triggers) and we should be good 🙂
’til next time xx

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