I haven’t been around much, I know. I’d love to say that it’s because I’ve been busy editing for Book Three of The Nememiah Chronicles, but the honest truth is… I’ve been doing just about everything but editing.
Part of the problem is that while my answer to the question “What do you do?” is to respond with “I’m an independent author.”, the fact of the matter is that I don’t really believe it myself. Not really, truly, in my heart. It feels like a role I’m playing, something I’m pretending to myself and those around me. Part of that comes from years of being told being an author is not a ‘real’ job. Part of it comes from my own insecurities.
And part of the problem, is that it’s incredibly hard to be ‘an independent author’ when I have so many other caps to wear.
I’m a wife, a mother. I’m the household cleaner, chef, accountant, taxi service. I’m the school liaison officer and the social services officer. I’m the counselor and social organizer. I’m the nurse, the laundry, the gardener and the shopper. I organize menus, homework, appointments.
Add into the mix my involvement with the Ellenbrook Writers group, where I have made good friends and keep an eye on things to see that they’re running smoothly.
And the Ellenbrook Theatre Group, where I am the Secretary and I’ve taken on directing the mid-year play and the end-of-year pantomime. (Nobody said I was sensible.)
Then add family and friends, and that fills in just about any spare time left.
The one, single, indisputable thing that makes me keep going – makes me believe I may one day be able to say I’m an independent author and not cringe?
Even when I’m utterly overwhelmed with everything I’ve taken on, his steady, unwavering belief in me is a panacea to any doubt I may be struggling with. His utter dedication to convincing me I can do ‘it all’ and his complete faith in my abilities is an example of the unconditional love he’s showered me with for nearly thirty years.
So despite the doubts, the worry and the anxiety, I can honestly say that I can do it all and I will one day announce to people that I’m an independent author proudly, knowing the one person most important to me in the world believes it.
That’s a pretty cool place to be.