It’s been one of ‘those’ days. I think all creative people have them – the ones where they struggle through with barely a creative thought. In my case, in editing Book Three of the Nememiah Chronicles, I’ve spent most of the day considering whether I’m actually any good at this.
The answer today? Conclusively, positively, hopelessly not. What on earth made me think I could write a novel anyway? A person can write all their lives, but still, in the end, only manage to produce drivel.
Perhaps there’s too much on my mind. Between kids (too many), money (not enough), job worries (husband needing to change jobs and the probability that in all likelihood I’m going to have to give up on writing and get one) it’s probably not much wonder I’m having doubts about my abilities.
Writing is what I want to do. In fact, it’s all I’ve every wanted to do. But the prospect of leaving the house and finding something which pays is looming ever larger on the horizon. At which point, I’m certain, any creativity I’ve ever had will disappear, never to be seen again. Which doesn’t make me particularly special – it makes me like probably 95% of authors in the world. Of course, there are the famous ones, like J.K. Rowling, Stephen King etc. etc., who are making a mint and gotten world fame to boot. Pretty certain I’ll never be in that league 😛
Despite all this, there’s lots to be thankful for in my life, which my darling husband was trying to convince me over the weekend. We have four wonderful, perfect, pleasant and polite young adults that we created, a roof over our heads, food on the table. We have one another, and have done for nearly thirty years. We’ve had good times and like most everyone else on the planet, we’ve had bad times. We’re very lucky.
So really, I should brush myself off, consider myself lucky and be thankful for what I do have.
D.S. Williams 
Debbie, I felt exactly like this a week ago. Just ask Bec, she got the brunt of it! I think that editing puts your work under such a microscope that you only see the bad in it. I was embarrassed by the load of drivel I'd written. Look at the reaction people have to your work – you have such talent and you're work and world you created are amazing and I am looking forward to seeing more. But some days it doesn't feel that way, especially when the stress and exhaustion of real life is pulling you down too. You have created a mad beast with a lot of heart in EWG and we all support each other through the head-beating times, because at the end of the day, only other writers know how it feels. Don't stop because the voices in your head would never let you…. xxx
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Debbie, don't worry. You're a lot better than what you may think right now, trust me. Don't worry about losing your creativity, too. There will be times when you feel like nothing is happening and that you've lost it forever – like what this sounds like – and there will be times when creativity will come waltzing back in to beat you over the head. The main thing to do, and it's one thing Craig Silvey told me to do that also happens to be one of the most difficult, is to not give up. When JK Rowling looked down the road of rejections with not a publisher in sight did she give up? I can't remember who said it, but you can't wait for inspiration to find you. You need to go after it with a club and potato sack.
You're amazing, Deb, and a lot more than what this post makes me think you give yourself credit for. You need to have fun with it.
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Thanks, Lisa. Had a lousy, lousy, lousy day yesterday. And you're right, the voices in my head never stop nagging. I've picked myself up, brushed myself off and I'm ploughing on regardless today 🙂 Thanks for your support and friendship – I really appreciate it xxxx
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Stripes – thanks for your kind words – I really appreciate you taking the effort 🙂 Had one of those days yesterday where I felt I was beating my head against a brick wall, but I've picked myself up, dusted myself off and given myself a good talking to. It helps to have people who can give me a good talking too also 🙂 Your words were very true and exactly what I needed to hear. Bless you xxx
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